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     "Do you think it's safe yet?"
     "I don't know, but it stopped."


     "There it goes again."


     "I know."

     "Well fuck this. Find something blunt, we're going to beat it to death."

     "There's an old baseball bat in here somewhe..."

     "Dibs on the baseball bat."

     "Fuck you, man, it's my bat.

     "I called it. Find something else."

Thud thud thud.

     "Hey, I found a chain saw. Dibs!"

     "Dibs! Fuck."

     "Wow, I'm betting you really wish you had let me have that bat now, huh? Because given the circumstances, I would say someone armed with, I dunno, a chainsaw would fare better than some fag with a Louisville slugger."

     "Shut up."

Thud thud thud.

     "I mean, let's look at the basic mechanics of our weapons. Mine has spinning metal teeth and is used to cut through wood. Yours, on the other hand, is made of wood and is used to hit softballs at little league games."

     "Shut up. Are you ready to do this?"

     "Why wouldn't I be? I'm the one with a chainsaw."


     "Perfect, you're going out first. On the count of three."

     "Hold on man, let me start this thing up. I don't want to get out there without my manly chainsaw's metallic, flesh rending teeth spinning, ready to cut down hordes of the und..."

     "Go on, you were saying."

     "There's no gas in the chainsaw."


Thudthud. Crack.


woodshed by frodave

Watch Mature Content
Well, here it is. My first, totally unanticipated sumbission in the realm of zombie literature. Inspired by recent looks into other zombie related works. Motivated by the beautiful Kendra, who is far too good to me and who I don't deserve on any level. She also did the neat cover.
sirensin Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2004
what to say. it's amusing. somehow i think they would be a little more catatonic if faced with imeding zombie peril. but then again, maybe they are using humor as a defense, which would then fit in nicely with the above tale. good dialogue, the dibs stuff is a little confusing. i like the thuds.
evileherbivore Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2004
I love you so much and you are my favorite in the whole world!

I do not deserve such a wonderful David to write me zombie stories at 2:30 in the morning and seriously contemplate driving all night to alleviate my loneliness.

Plus, damn does the story rock my rocktron.

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Submitted on
October 3, 2004
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Mature Content


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